HVH3 #96 Hash Trash "Buffett III"


Date: Saturday & Sunday July 10 -11, 2004
Hares: Anti Cock and Cainus Lickus
Theme: Buffett III
Start: Wendell State Forest, in a big field, our own private campground Beer Checks (4, all in the woods somewhere): by the lake, on a scenic overlook, by another lake and at a lean-to in the woods
On-in: Wendell State Forest
Time: 2:00 p.m. HST
Total Distance: how the heck would I know, it involved swimming a quarter mile or walking around a lake, a lot of up and downhill trails through the forest, and a tiny bit of traveling on dirt roads. It took 3 plus hours Scribe: Cums Alone
Weather: nice and warm, 75 with some humidity

Hashers Present:

Boston: Bumble Beaver, Cums Alone, Doggie Treats, Just Donna (3 or 4?), Eats Around the Hole, Friar F*ck, High An*s, Lickalottapuss, Menage a Tw*t, Nipples Erectus, Paris Sucks! Puff 'n Stuff, Queen LaQueefa, Shine On Harvard Moon, Shitty Trail (Hash Hound), Snatchsquatch, Sponge Bath Square Pants, Syphilitic Horse Molester, Sugar Plum Fairy, Wee Willie Wanker
Burlington: Suck Faster Bitch!

Happy Valley: Anti-Cock (Co-Hare), Cainus Lickus (Co-Hare), Colonel Mustard, Comes On Vacation, Dewey Do Me!, Drill Me Sergeant!, Drippi Dick, Just Frank, Hand Job? Madame Flutterby, Mr. Hankey, NFN Danette, NFN Ellie May (Hash Hound), Virgin Pete, Virgin Scott, Yeast Injector

Hardfarts: Follow My Tits, Garfield, High Bush, Packed Fullah Seamen

Ithaca: Side Show Jesus (BTW, I believe he left behind a Hawaiian Shirt)

Syracuse / Ithaca / Halve Mein / Hawaii: Just Craig

Worcester: Blackhole, Mastanater, My Newt Dick, NFN Deej, NFN Jenn

Virgins: Pete & Scott (both Happy Valley), plus 4 from Boston: Jen, Jay, Kristin, Loren, Kim

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Start and the Run:
The pack gathered from all corners of the northeast for Buffett III. The kegs had been tapped by the time Doggie Treats and I arrived. We commenced setting up the tents, but not too close to the horseshoe pit nor the volleyball net. DT's brand new tent was missing the tent fly (Hilton's Tent City is giving her a new one in time for the Burlington InviHashional). Fortunately, I had brought an extra tarp, so a makeshift covering was made using the tarp and bungee cords.

We prelubed and readied ourselves for the run. Trail would be marked with flour, since most of it was off road. More than 3 marks would be on, unless it was marked false. Not all falses would be marked. Somehow, during the initial circle, I missed the announcement about avoiding swimming by sticking with Cums On Vacation.

Trail went off into the woods, and within a quarter mile we found the first beer check. After a couple beers, trail went on through the woods, and lots of shiggy, bushwhacking and general difficulty. We emerged from the woods to the shore of another lake, which we were to swim across. It looked to be a quarter mile across. Hmmm, how good an idea is it to swim after several beers? Based on my shabby performance with a swim test on Friday, I joined a half dozen others who were opting not to swim. We crawled through dense underbrush up away from the lake; intent on finding some way around to the beer check we had seen on the far shore. We heard an engine in the distance.

Low and behold, we emerged in a farmer's field. He was on his tractor, baling hay. He gave directions to the nearest road to us, and we skirted the field, where we came upon another pack of motley hashers, who were walking around the lake via the road. We arrived at the swim check, and hashers were still swimming across. Doggie Treats was helping Side Show Jesus, who was having a bit of trouble due to asthma. Several hashers jumped in to assist. He emerged from the water, a bit winded, but okay. So, we drank some more beer. And then we commenced walking to the third beer check, which was up a fairly difficult trail to a scenic overlook. And, so we drank some more beer. From the third beer check, we walked a good distance through the woods, past a waterfall and along a stream. It was getting kind of late. We found beer check 4 at a lean to in the woods, fortunately only 400 yards from A.

The on in:

Anti Cock had disappeared (he and Virgin Pete went back to AC's place to take a shower . ummm, okay). Finally we gave up waiting for them, and enlisted Dewey Do Me as a proxy hare. Puff-n-Stuff was RA. Comments included: "You rat bast*rd", "F*cking dangerous", "I almost chewed off my arm I was so hungry", "I almost chewed off his arm I was so hungry", "First time I got wet", "4 beer checks, second time in the lake". There was also a comment about getting giardia from the lake.

The hares did their down down (Puffy joined them, since he was the secret swimming hare) and sang the Yogi Bear song.

As we were still waiting for Anti Cock and Virgin Pete to arrive, all the kennels got a down down, and had to sing a song for their brother and sister hashers.

Virgins:
Shine On, Suck Faster B*tch and Doggie Treats were dementoresses for the virgins.
*Virgin Scott said John & Cindy (Cainus Lickus and Cums on Vacation) made him cum. However, he prefers the barnyard goat, missionary style. He demonstrated missionary style with Such Faster B*tch.
*Virgin Jen said that My Newt Dick made her cum. And bikinis, not boxers or briefs cover her bush. When asked if she would f*ck a sheep, she said, "yes, twice."
* Virgin Jay said that Virgin Kristin made him cum. When asked "what has two thumbs and likes oral s*x?" he pointed to Shine On. He said he likes any s*xual position, but from behind is nice, and demonstrated with Suck Faster.
*Virgin Kristin said that some friend of her brother made her cum, a marine. And if she were on a busload of lesbi*ns, it would depend on how long the ride was to determine if she would get off or not. She suggested one or two weeks as being necessary.
*Virgin Loren said that virgin Kristin made her cum. Shine On explained why women like 70-year-old gynecologists. However Loren had no idea what the square root of 69 was.
*Virgin Kim said that virgin Kristin made her cum. But no one knows where the pictures are. She demonstrated a fake org*sm, to which someone commented "Even I wouldn't fall for that."
The virgins were given a down down and welcomed to the hash.

And finally, Anti Cock and Virgin Pete arrived, all clean and showered. They were given a great big down down. And sang the *sshole song. Virgin Pete was ministered to by the evil troika of harriette dementoresses. He claimed that Anti Cock made him cum (probably in the shower together). He likes a more strenuous s*xual position, standing up with the woman's legs around him. And if he were going to mate with an animal, he would choose Anti Cock's llama.

Namings:
Black Hole's son was due for a name (Just Craig??). He was not named Incest is Best, Pumped by Daddy, Father Does Me Best (this was due to the father-son unusual method of pushups). He was named Push It Deeper Daddy.

Frank, the master brewer, was also due for a name. He was note named Cocktail Weiner, nor Yeasty Boy. He was named Yeast Injector.

Just Donna has hashed at least 7 times with various kennels. Despite peer pressure, Wee Willie Wanker would not spill any secrets. She was not named Cheezy Colon nor Bowdoin Swallows. She was named Humpa Lumpa.

Accusations:
* Pussy on trail: Wee Willie Wanker
* Not wearing hash attire (changing after the run): Paris S*cks, the virgins, Queen LaQueefa
* Hat in circle, virgins
* Auto hashing: Snatchsquatch, Lickalottapuss (who started late and found trail by driving around)
* Sweat Test failures: Menage a Tw*t, and Madame Flutterby
* Losing the hashit, again. Anti Cock
* Taking showers: Anti Cock and Virgin hare Pete

Quotes:
"A bunch of asparagus does not equal a zucchini"
Lick My *ss crack". Doggie Treats to Side Show Jesus, who is a Yankees fan and made the mistake of saying "Yankees rule".

And after the circle, we had a huge barbecue, while the mosquitoes feasted on hashers. We also had beer, and yucca, and margaritas until the midnight run that I missed due to passing out.

Sunday morning dawned a bit too brightly, but we had plenty of food (bagels and cream cheese). There was a fat boy hangover run that I missed due to falling back to sleep in my tent. However the pack woke me up to give me a down down for waking people up at 6 am, when I had joined others who were eating an early breakfast.

All in all, it was a wonderful Buffett hash. The venue can accommodate larger numbers, and the state ranger liked the hash (they want us back, go figure).

--- Cums Alone, your humble scribe

Buffett Hash Trash Addendum: aka The Sunday Festivities.

In order to protect the guilty and inspire the innocents, I should note that some of the facts will go unmentioned or rather un - named. But I should add this sooner rather than later because of the dimming effects of the early onset of alcohol induced Alzheimers, Sure you know what I'm talking about. Lemme axe you a question, "Do you like drinkin?"....

Sunday morning rolled around much too early especially for those who participated in the midnight naked hash. Madame Flutterby hared the midnight run and the turnout was pretty numerous as it included just about all the former virgins of the afternoon's hash. The beer check was memorable only because it was like warm Labatt's in cans or some other major X from Canada.

Puff 'N Stuff hared sunday mornings hangover hash. This hash was also well attended and was remarkable in mammary for a tequila check and the sighting and try at recruiting of the lesbian horse riding club.( That really happened.)

At the on after circle for the Fat Boy hangover hash it was discovered that some people were still sleeping so circle moved on over to Cums Alone's tent and from there over to former virgin Just Jay's tent. Just Jay was made to do a wake up down down. Such a pretty sight. ( BTW Jay, you were ratted on by Just Tracy )

There was still plenty of beer and Margheritas left and vodka etc, so as the hashers packed up and the numbers dribbled downward the rest of us kept on partying until late in the afternoon. Some of the Harriettes who were still left made a demented game of titillating and teasing the poor ****** and his *****. They guilt tripped him into doing belly shots off their scantily clad hasher platforms. Luckily Friar F#ck was there to capture all this on film. This went on for awhile until we drained the remaining nectars, and until about 1700HRs.

We then policed up the relatively very clean site and returned to Chateau Anti-Coch and Dewey Do Me! No one violated any of the sheep or the Llama. We did order some pizzas and practically everybody crashed hard as we watched Monty Python In Search Of The Holy Grail.

Your Humble HVH3 Scribe
AC

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