HVH3 #95 Hash Trash "CoV's Annual Shiggyous Maximus"

Thursday, July 1, 2004

Holy Smokes!!!

That was a damn good hash last night! It had all the essential ingredients for a decent hash. The four V's - A Virgin, Veterans, Visitors and Beer. ( Well, okay, but on the phone B's sound like V's )

But lemme back track.

Hare: Comes On Vacation
SP: Fort River Elementary School parking lot, off Northeast Street in Amherst, Mass.
Start time: We actually started hashing at about 1930 HRs.

The Pack: Cainus Lickus, Dewey Do Me!, Anti-Cock, and hash hound Ellie May.

Visitors: 3.5 Inch Drive ( from South Florida's "Hurricane Hash" ), Circumspector (also from the "Hurricane Hash" ), Follow My Tits ( Hartford H3 ), Garfield ( Hartford H3 ), High Bush ( Hartford H3 )

Virgin: Just Courtney

The pack assembled amidst Piels ( Remember that beer? It was really cheap, I think their catch slogan was Piels Real Draft Beer. A nice cold can of Piels...Oops, I mean peels of thunder and bolts of lightening, but then the skies cleared and the setting sun began to shine down on the 95th running of the Happy Valley Hash House Harriers.

The Hare greeted us, and we all thought that since the area had just been soaked by buckets of rain, that there was no way she could have pre-laid trail. Plus she didn't look like she was covered in shiggy sauce, so we figured it had to be live hared, which it was.

She axed fo' a ten minute cranium start, and she was off. We were prepping for the run by drinking Red Stripe Jamaican beer and Long Trail Ale ( How appropriate, Huh?) Anyways, since we were imbibing and socializing with the vistors and virgin, nobody really noticed whish direction the hare took off in. After some usual mirth and such, the pack began searching for hash marks. Trail was spotted going south westerly, sort of towards the southern end of the school parking lot and back towards Northeast Street. Trail then went south on NE St (confusing, ain't it.) Then east at the intersection with Route 9. Trail was on Ass Fault for about 3/4 of a mile then, turned off at The Maplewood Farms Micro-Brewery. Yum Yum yer thinking, well so was we, but the Brewery is closed for the summer ( That wascully wabbit! )

Trail then entered a huge farm field with Belgian Draft Horses on one side and woods to the left. The FRBs starting dashing thru this field while the rest of the pack meandered on thru. ( You'll now get solely my pespective, as I was not one of the FRBs. ) High Bush and I spied trail going thru a break in some thickets. Trail then crossed a decent sized, but shallow stream. How refreshing we thought. Then trail proceeded into some dense underbrush and came out to a small rivulet that was just a little too wide to leap. So we plunged on into it. Plunged is the right adjective to use, because plunge into knee deep sucking mud is what we did. Trail was hard to spot because of dense poison ivy, brambles and underbrush ( Why does poison ivy always seem to cohabitate with those damn sticker bushes???).

We then spied trail flowing along the banks of that same muddy rivulet. We crawled over, under around, and around logs and mudholes, but eventually began to just use the center of the rivulet as it was the path of least resistance. At this time we realized that it sounded like the FRBs were just around a bend and very near to us.

We emerged from the rivulet into a decent sized stream. The stream had a good current to it and at first wasn't too deep. But this is where we caught up to the FRBs. Shades of COV's "Mekong Delta" Hash from last summer began to flood my memory bank. But this time instead of Packed Fullah Seamen diving into every hole, we had Garfield as a measuring stick to measure how deep the water would be. The water quickly became 'Nads high', or as the Virgin put it, "Oh Oh, My undies are getting wet", at first that took a moment to set in, ya know, cause girls always say that around Happy Valley Hashers... But we soon were in varying depths of muddy swirling water that filled our sneakers with pumice action grit. The Virgin Courtney took one decent dive, properly baptizing herself as a Happy Valley Hasher. Most of us were either hip deep or sometimes chest deep in the water. The banks were covered in brambles and poison ivy, so we mostly stayed in the water. We went on like this for perhaps a mile and a half.

We eventually emerged somwhere east of Amherst. We thought that perhaps the Hare would take mercy on us and shuttle us back to the SP, but OH NO...It was on on to the beer check. Trail proceeded easterly ( I think ) up some path that looked like a bike path, then into some deep, dark woods. The light began to fade and trail became harder to follow, but we ambled up and down some ridges along an arroyo like brook thing, then found the Hare at the beer check.

The check was just off the grounds of an apartment complex, so we walked on over to a picnic table for the closing circle. We did the usual down down songs fro the vistors, virgin and hare. Backsliders were also properly dealt with. Virgin Courtney was made to cum by Boston's Snatchsquatch. She seemed well indoctrinated and impressed us all by her enthusiasm and sense of humor. And if she were on that immortal bus, she would not get off, but stay on for the ride! ( I think that was what she said? ) The visitors from the Hurricane Hash were really nice folks and they sang us some new songs that were easy enough to remember so maybe we can share them at Buffett. ( The new songs that is) Perhaps we should note here, that if the band KISS ever needs to replace Gene Simmons, that replacement could be Circumspector, if you know what I mean...

The apartment complex security guy's attention ws grabbed by the sight of so many open beers and obnoxiously obscene songs, so he came over for a visit, but it worked out well enough as we tried to recruit him and we beat feet quickly back to the SP. the Hare shuttled folks back and some of us opted to march back the mile and a half or so.

The On In was held at Rafters Sports bar in Amherst on University Drive. We walked in to be greeted by a tie score of 3 to 3 in the Yankees / Radd Suxx game in the Bronx. I believe it was the ninth inning and the Yankees had the bases loaded. Thus began an interesting evening of your humble Scribe, aka the only Yankees fan in the whole damn bar, vs the resident Radd Suxx goon squads. Amidst huge piles of wings and pitchers of beer we socialized, flipped each other off for every hit, error, wild pitch etc. We so were enjoying ourselves that we forgot to do a mis-management about Buffett.

I left the bar in the 13th inning with two Radd Suxx players on, one on third and one on first. Derek Jeter had just left the game after that impressive catch in the stands. We thought he was spitting out teeth as he emerged all bleeding and such.

When I got home I learned that THHHAAAA Yankees Won. So I did the neighborly good deed of calling Flutterby up while he was on a bus in the Bronx returning from the game. He sounded like he really appreciated the call.

Our next hash will be July 15th and the next one after that will be July 29th. I promise a special treat for the July 29th hash!

OOPs! Actually, our next hash will be Buffett III next weekend at Wendell State Forest.

Your Most Humble Scribble,

Anti Coch
HVH3

ps, Really nice trail COV!!!!!!!

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