HVH3 #90 Hash Trash "Flutterby's Graduation Hash" (The Hash Previously known as HVH3 #82)


Date: Saturday May 8, 2004
Hare: Anti Cock
Theme: Flutterby's Graduation Hash
Start: Duck Pond in the middle of the UMass Campus
Beer Checks: (1) in the back of a parking lot on the UMass Campus
(2) across a river somewhere in Amherst
On-in: Behind a bar in Amherst
On-After: at Anti Cock and Dewy Do Me's farm in Wendell
Time: 1:00 p.m. HST
Total Distance: 5 miles, just guessing (trail was set by the hare on a bike)
Scribe: Cums Alone
Weather: 75 degrees, sunny and warm

Happy Valley Hashers Present: Anti Cock (hare), Cainus Lickus, Cums on Vacation, Drill Me Sergeant, Hand Job, Mama's Little Douche Bag, Madame Flutterby

Boston Hashers: Cock Climber, Cums Alone, Puff-n-Stuff, Schniedelwutz, Stuff Me

New York State hashers: Pondscum, Sphinctersicle

Virgin: Arne

Late Cummers: Dewy Do Me (she stayed behind, we caught up with her back at the farm)

The Start and the Run:

I have no idea where we ran, since I have never been to Amherst before.

We started from the duck pond in the middle of the U Mass campus. Stuff Me and I arrived before any of the other visiting hashers (and we were almost a half hour late . lots of traffic on Rt. 9, plus the U Mass campus is huge and we got lost). Eventually all who were expected arrived. Anti Cock was hare, and he was setting it LIVE??? This looked like an obvious chance to snare the big guy (what was he even thinking?). 3 marks would be on, thus ensuring that someone in the pack would eventually, probably sooner than later, snare him. We did brief introductions and sang the Button Factory warm up song (even tho it was a lovely, sunny, warm spring day). We took off in pursuit of Anti Cock, following marks in a large circle jerk around A,and then past the Chancellor's house (very nicely landscaped, I might add). We ran over a couple hills and finally, by some soccer fields, saw a BN! Sure enough, at the very back of a large parking lot, was a beer check.
We refreshed ourselves and continued onward for a mile or two down a road somewhere in Amherst.

Those of us in the back walking were very surprised to see Anti Cock riding toward us on a bike (so that's how he managed to stay ahead of the pack!). He said the second beer check was nearby. We followed trail along some river, and saw that we were supposed to cross the river on some logs. Nope, no way. We looked, to no avail, for an easier way around, and realizing that we had to go back to A (around 3 miles from where we were standing), we turned around. We walked and walked, and then Anti Cock pulled up with a load of hashers, and his bike, in the back of his pickup truck. He gave us all a ride back to our cars, so we could drive over to the location of the circle (behind a bar).

The on in:

Hashers had driven approximately 2 miles from the middle of the U Mass campus to the on-in location. We were waiting around, and Sphincter drove up and said that Puffy had been pulled over by the police. After laughing a bit (thinking of Puffy having a coronary), we tried to figure out what could have happened, since he wasn't speeding. A call was placed to Puffy, and he said it was for an expired inspection sticker (and it wasn't even his car ... he was driving it for Cock Climber, who had ridden to the on in with other hashers). So, after a $50 ticket, a slightly lighter Puffy arrived. He apologized to Cock Climber for the new wet spot on the driver's seat.

Schniedelwutz was RA (giving Puff n Stuff a well-earned rest). Anti Cock was given a double down down for setting trail on a bike. (a hare down down and a sweat test down down)

The criminals, Puff-n-Stuff and Cock Climber were given a down down for the police incident.

Hand Job was given a down down for leaking on trail.

Flutterby accused Sphincter of wearing new shoes. Not only were they new,but he had taken them off and put them back in the box. Both of them got to drink out of the shoes to inaugurate them.

Then the majority of the pack, who had chosen not to get wet, got a down down.

The Happy Valley Hashit had reappeared (kind of like the Boston Hashit, which disappears for months or years). It was awarded to Anti Cock, to the tune of "Fat Boy on a Little Bike".

Team Drunk got a down down. They tearfully proclaimed "Our boy's all grows up now!" Flutterby, a college graggiate! No way!

* Virgin Arne was brought into the circle for abuse. As we were standing in a gravelly parking lot, modified knee pads were given for his use (the cold packs from the cooler). Arna made himself cum, but he does like it doggie style. He didn't know the square root of 69, but was welcomed to the hash with a down down anyway.

We did hash religion and adjourned. Some hashers caravanned to the on after at Anti Cock's in Wendell. Stuff Me and I stayed for a couple of brews, but left. There were apparently a few hiijinks, since Cock Climber sprained her ankle at the on-after (tripped over something on the deck in the dark).

Chant: "Fat Boy on a Little Bike" - the pack to Anti Cock, as he sped by on his bike

Quotes: "He's been reading Doggie Training for Dummies. Notice how well behaved Pondy is." - Flutterby regarding Sphinctersicle
"That was no camera."
"You don't bring me flowers anymore."
"That's 3. I didn't know he was a thrower when I married him." - Pondy to Sphincter after he hit her in the eye with a piece of chalk (he had also thrown a beer can at her, and I forget the third item)

--- Cums Alone, your humble scribe

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza." - Dave Barry

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