HVH3 #54 Hash Trash
(The Hash Previously known as HVH3 #48)
Saturday, June 30, 2002 Wendell, MA
Saturday dawned early for the Hare who had just spent the previous two days canoeing down the Connecticut River, swilling Tullamore Dew and Genessee Cream Ale. So, it was time to scout a trail and quickly clean the farm.
Sporting a 1:25,000 topo of Wendell State Forest, but no bug juice, the Hare( yours truly) looked for the most amount of nasty shiggy he could within the scope of a three to four mile run. Trying to outrun swarms of deer flies and mosquitoes ( IT DIDN'T WORK THOUGH!), the trail was laid and six cases of beer were bought in time to return home to grab three Hashers to help put out the beer checks.[ Thank you, Follow My Tits, Flushy, and Cainus]
The Hashers who waited at the house while we put out the beer checks were thoroughly lubricated for the run.:-) ( Before I move on, I have to mention that people had their pick of fifty +/- acres to set up their tents but everybody chose a corner of the backyard, downslope from the septic tank run off !!! This also includes "One Drunk" who set up his tent directly in the the runoff of the septic tank!!! )
The starting circle began at the house and intros were made. We then picked up and squeezed everybody into the Hare's P.U. truck for the lift to the SP at Wendell State Forest. We parked at the lot closest to the beach at Ruggles Pond. The Hare asked for a ten minute cranium start, for this leg to the first beer check would be live hared. The trail started with a check that included three long falses, all the better to punish potential FRBs. One false ran across the Ruggles Pond Dam and then up a short, but steep hill. ( Gotcha Sphincter ! ). Little known to the Hare at the time, this start created the desired effect and I got away with a good ten minute cranium start.
The true trail ran around the back side of Ruggles Pond, to a couple of checks that either sported uphill falses or across swamps. The trail then came around Ruggles Pond and then really ran about thirty meters (uphill) to the first beer check on Brook Road. FRBs were Cainus, Sphincter, Madame Flutterby, and I think Pond Scum was right there too. Funny thing was, how Cainus was there for the cacheing of the beer and was an FRB! ( He paid for this indiscretion later).
The Pack followed along by and bi, till we swilled our fill of at least two or three brews each. At this point the Hare ( me) asked if there were any non-swimmers in the pack. On confirmation of at least two non-swimmers ( or at least two smart Hashers!!! ), I opted to show the non-swimmers how to avoid an upcumming water obstacle. The pack proceeded up Brook Road and then to a check that included a long false, but which true trail ran downhill thru a pine grove to the edge of Wickett Pond. Here the trail stopped at a toilet paper bedecked tree, and started again at another similarly decorated tree across the pond about 200 meters away. The water was warm, and the bottom slimy - which forced the the pack to truly swim the whole distance. On emerging from the pond the pack was treated to the thickest, nastiest shiggy I have ever cum across in WSF. There was tangles of Mountain Laurel ( which was blooming), Poison Ivy and dead trees and mud, broken occasionally by swamp grass and mud and thorny little vines. This part of the trail ran along the eastern edge of Wickett Pond and from there to the boat launch at the northern most point of the pond and to the SECOND BEER CHECK. ( while crossing the pond the pack was spied by a friend of the Hare who happened to be fishing from a canoe. He, having never seen Hashers before, commented on how it was the craziest thing he'd ever seen, all those people swimming across a muddy pond like that! )
The pack was met at the boat lauch by yours truly and three Hashers. If you do the math, then you should realize that the pack should've been greeted by just three of us but, NFN Roy discovered he had his only pack of smokes in his shorts pocket , so he somehow managed to evade the pack at the Water Crossing and make his way to the second beer check without following any kind of laid trail! [Dude must be able to smell beer or something?] We slurped suds for quite awhile at the beer check and twightlight seemed a short time away. They lock gates at the access points to the parking lot at Ruggles Pond at 1930HRS, so I chose to run there instead of with the pack to the last beer check, so I could get the truck back to Jerusalem Cliffs and hook up with the pack at the endpoint. Little did I know, but when I got to my truck it was only 1830HRs, Oops! Anyhow, the trail left the boat launch and qiuckly came upon another check with long falses, but again that darn FRB, Cainus, directed the pack towards beer and true trail. TT ran uphill ( of course ) along Wickett Pond Road towards Jerusalem Hill. A couple of falses were here and there, but the pack was soon climbing up the Jerusalem Hill Cliffs trail towards salvation and the last beer check. This part was most grueling as the trail ( which is also part of the Metacomet/Monadnock Trail) went uphill using natural granite stairs as part of the path. At a really nice lookout point to the west and southwest, the pack found the last beer check atop the cliffs and had enough time there to sing a few rousing songs and kill lots of beers. Pond Scum committed a grave injustice here by prematurely killing her beer not by consumption but by having it " On the Rocks". She was made to pay later, along with the injustified Cainus. We then trucked back along the trail, collected the empties and drove back to the farm for the On - After festivities.
Here the evening's festivities started in earnest! At the circle co - RA's Madame Flutterby and Sphincter Sicle made all those guilty of one indiscretion or another pay and pay dearly. " AND THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING!!!" Visitors, GM's and Hare were treated to many too many down - downs. There was one naming to "Just Linda", who has played host to all of the HVH3 Wendell Hashes, and who has hashed with the Pittsburgh and Eeerie Hashes. ( And who has put up with me 24/7 for the last 17 years !!!! ) After ample questioning and startling revelations [ Right Pond Scum? She said 100 !!! ] the assembled Hashers thought about her proclivities and occupation and came up with : " Dewey Do Me ! ".
After this, the evening starts to get a little fuzzy, what with copius amounts of brew, Yucca and other vices, plus way too many naked Hashers in and around the Hot Tub, my memory is just not what it should be, but anyway, by 0130 HRS the assembled Hashers had either gone to bed or passed out in various locations around the farm. Luckily before I fell asleep I was able to stop Madame Flutterby and Sphincter Sicle from grabbing a ram lamb, and sticking it in Cream Whora's tent.
We woke before the Rooster's crow for two reasons: A) We don't have a rooster, just chickens, and B) Because Madame Flutterby wanted everyone to watch the Soccer Game between Brazil and Ze Fazzerland at 0630HRS. ( We eventually found out that the game didn't start until 0730 HRS on the spanish T&A station.) Sights that greeted us, but not necessarily in this order were: "One Drunk" waking up with wads of brown and black crap all over his body ( remember, where he set his tent up ?), Friar F%&ck hibernating in the scuz that had been a perfectly good hot tub the night before, oodles of empties everywhere and bottles of Johnny Walker, Tequila, Vodka, etc. Puff n' Stuff was on a quest to find tomato juice for Bloody Marys, so we drove to the earthy crunchy coop store in Leverett and got some. "Dewey Do Me" arose and made everyone who was able, scrambled eggs from our farms chickens. The assembled Hashers picked up right where we left off and began to consume more down downs and also Pond Scum and Puff n' Stuff laid a hangover trail in and out of the pastures and corrals. Oh, wait a minute - I just remembered something else. At midnight, we had a Nekkid Hash too. Those responsible included: Muff a Lotta, Friar. Puff?, Me, Madame and Sphincter.I wasn't going to join in but Muff made the choice for me by stripping my clothes off, thanks "Muffa Lotta".
The drinking and carousing went on until about 1500HRS sunday. Unfortunately it was either just before this or shortly after that it was discovered that some of the cars parked in the driveway had been burglarized somehow and sometime between 0130 and 0600. ( It could've been earlier, but thats my guess unless those responsible were brazen enough to do it while we were all still up). It's unfortunate, but I guess we all should not take it for granted anymore that we're immune to this sort of shit out here in the country.
Believe it or not some of the last Hashers present decided to proceed to Granby, at Madame Flutterby's and NFN Roy's to continue the festivites. I just had to put out some e-mail and had to call the Chief of Police.
HVH3 Hash No. 48 AAR
Lessons learned:
A) Three beer checks are cool, maybe next time four?
B) Water obstacles are waycool, especially in the summer.
C) Next time there is a Wendell Hash lie that the Hot Tub is broken.
D) Pitching one's tent atop the septic tank is bad.
E) Yucca need not necessarily always be encouraged.
F) Lock the windows and doors, and maybe next time lay an ambush for the thieving fuckers!
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