HVH3 #40 Hash Trash


Date: Saturday, November 10, 2001
Event: New England Red Dress Run
Start: Leitrim's in Woosta
Beer Check: behind a church school, next to the playground
On-In: Leitrim's in Woosta
Hares: Blow My Pipes and Madame Flutterby
Time: 2:00 p.m. HST
Total Distance: 6 miles??
Scribe: Cums Alone
Weather: around 50 degrees F, overcast

Who was there (I did the best I could with this ... I don't think I have people listed who weren't there, but could have missed hashers or goofed on names):

Boston Hashers: Just Chris (hash 2), Deep Throat, Cream Whora, Cums Alone (me, the scribe), Friar Fuck, Funky Diva, Impo-Tent, Magically Delicious, Muffalotta, Palm Pilot, Pondscum, Prom Cream (from Phoenix, a relo), Shine On Harvard Moon, Snoreplay, So Ho (Just Liz got named by the Dublin H3), Spits & Swallows, Just Terry (4 or 5 hashes), The Fat One, WinToes 69.

Boston virgins: Just Mike (from Atlanta, buddy of Snoreplay), Just Laura (aka NOT Pondscum)

Happy Valley Hashers: Blow My Pipes, Hawkeye Fierce, Madame Flutterby, Mama's Little Douche Bag, Big Kahunas, Nat Catcher, Hand Job, Just Maggie and Tommy, That's Not My Hillfinger

Hasher from somewhere in CT: Just Mary

Worcester Hashers (yes, there is a Worcester hash?): Black Hole, Just Kelly (from WPI)

Rhode Island Hashers: Basket Boom Boom, Oozing Syphilitic Dictaphone, Eveready and Baxter

Groton Connecticut Hasher: Surfin Compusex

Sole Newport Hasher: Double Flush (but she says she is switching to Boston, she doesn't live in RI)

What happened:

We arrived at Leitrims and commenced our pre-lube. I would give the award for best dressed to WinToes69 and Black Hole. The 2 of them looked ready to visit a formal tea. They were both well accessorized with berets. WinToes had red earrings and a red handbag, complimented by red lipstick. Black Hole had a suit-type dress. The two of them were most impeccable. Baxter was wearing some sleazy fru fru dress, but given that he is Basket Boom Boom's 200-pound Saint Bernard, no one was critical. The rest of the pack was similarly attired in red (I am not a fashion critic, you all looked simply marvelous).

A notable moment of the run was our run behind the stands at a WPI football game, with the expected catcalls. At the playground beer check, Palm Pilot mounted the tube slide, sitting on top of its Plexiglas dome. Shine On crawled into the slide and Palm Pilot depants himself. Shine On called other harriettes in to view the show.

As I have no real conception of Worcester, I have no idea where the trail went (it was a live trail, at that). Basket Boom Boom and Baxter were likewise confused, as they never arrived at the beer check, and were late arrivals back at Leitrims. The trail gets bonus points for attempting to run the pack over every hill in Worcester. Several other hashers got lost, which was cause for concern, as it was (a) getting dark and (b) we ran through a neighborhood that was better visited in daylight hours.

Blow My Pipes and Madame Flutterby were attempting to run the circle, in addition to being the hares. The pack abused them mightily for setting the usual sh*tty trail and gave them a down down.

Next it was time to abuse the virgins, each of whom had been given a banana to cherish at the start of the run. This had concerned Snoreplay, who had been falsely reassured by Blow My Pipes that Happy Valley had nothing nefarious in mind by this harmless custom. As Snoreplay had made Just Mike cum, he was told they would need to eat the banana together. Pondscum and her identical twin sister, Laura, likewise would partake of this strange custom. Then, in an unforeseen act of compassion, BMP decided that Snoreplay and Pondscum could switch partners for this act. As the bananas were quite soft, the display was rather messy. All were given a down down to wash down the gloppy fruit, and Just Mike and Just Laura are virgins no more.

Accusations:
FRB and DFLs were given a down down. Tommy It’s Not My Hillfinger, plus WinToes, Maggie and Hawkeye Fierce were among that group. You guess who was the FRB.

Boston visitors were given a down down, which put most of the hash into the circle. We did our down down and sang the Bestiality’s Best song. A new verse was added by Funky Diva ... “drink the pee of a bee, boys”. Somehow, the song morphed into the Moose song.

All non-Boston hashers were given a down down, and sang the Wild West Show song.

Someone suggested that “Happy Valley” be renamed “Gay Valley”, but no one followed up on that one.

An Auto-hashing down down went to Funky Diva.

Basket got a down down for missing the Beer Check. Oozing got one for something.

As it was the Marine Corps Birthday, Basket and Surfin Compusex were given a down down, along with Just Chris.

The quote of the day is “Does beer come out of it?” --- Pondscum to Palm Pilot's p*nis.

We did Hash Religion and, guess what? We ate pizza and drank beer. Then we commenced dancing and drinking beer ... and amusing the locals in the bar with our pole antics. Palm Pilot managed to mount the thing upside down (with a little help). YHS somehow had a flashback to the Yellow Rose in Austin ... then realized that I was attracting way too much attention, and stopped. No one got hurt, fortunately, and we didn't get thrown out of the bar.

--- Cums Alone, your humble scribe

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