Happy Valley Hash No. 111
9 Jan 2005
1400HRs or so...
I first met Cainus not long after my wife & I split up. I
had just gotten over a serious hangover that I won't bother to
talk about, except that it had something to do with the miserably
weary split - up and sheep dip and my feeling that everything
was dead. With the cumming of Cainus Lickus began the part of
my life you could call Hashing or my life on the road. Before
that I'd often dream of going west to see other hashs and see
the country, always vaguely planning and never taking off. Cainus
is the perfect hasher for the road because he was actually born
at a hash, when his parents were passing thru Salt Lake City in
1926, in a jalopy, on their way to a hash in Los Angeles. First
reports of him came to me thru Hand Job?, who'd shown me some
letters from him written in a New Mexico reform school. I was
tremendously interested in the letters because they so naively
and sweetly asked Hand Job? to teach him about Nietzsche and all
the wonderful intellectual things that Hand Job? knew. At one
point Just Mike and I talked about the letters and wondered if
we would ever meet the strange Cainus Lickus. This is all far
back, when Cainus was not the way he is today, when he was a young
jailkid shrouded in mystery. Then news came that Cainus was out
of reform school and was cumming to the Happy Valley for the first
time; also there was talk that he had just married a girl called
Comes On Vacation.
Part 1
On The Hash
That's A Fact Jack Kerowhacked
AKA Happy Valley's 111th
Hare: Cainus Lickus
Start: The Harp in North Amherst, Mass. ( Where else!!! )
Start Time: 1400HRs, Sunday, January 9th, 2005
The Happy Valley Hounds:
Anti-Cock, Comes On Vacation, Hand Job?, NFN Mike ( 2nd hash ),
NFN LIsa ( 2nd hash )
Happy Valley Virgins:
Just Maxine, a Wisconsin transplant now in NoHo, Just Mike from
Easthampton, Just Lisa from Belchertown.
Visitors:
From the Boston H3: Friar F#ck & Shitty Trail
From the Hartford H3: Follow My Tits, Garfield, and High Bush
Kidnapped on Trail:
Just Beth & her dog Bogey
Latecummer: Dewey Do Me! and State Senator Stan Rosenberg
Sunday at 1400HRs was kinda cheery but chilly. A fresh four or
so inches of powder lay about the fields and meadows while the
assfault was covered in a tawdry slush. The pack assembled inside
the Harp and potent potables were consumed with the usual flourish.
But On On was soon to be heard and off danced the pack to the
Circle without the slightest trepidation or fear, because we knew
- it all involved beer.
Marks were explained and introductions were made. Father Birmingham
still loves alter boys and with the stretching and kavetching
over, the hare axed for an "Honest Ten Minute Cranium Start"
whatever that is? But luckily for the hare Friar F#ck called to
say he'd missed a turn and was in Hadley or something. Then a
little while later, Friar called to say he was in Deerfield. (
When I used to play with artilley we'd to call that "bracketing"
) any who, Friar was a little late to the start but that gave
Cainus his cranium start.
Trail proceeded up Cowls Lane to Rte 63 where it made a right
turn to the south then an easterly turn into Mill Brook Park.
Trail then went through the park into the trail network over some
snow covered bridges and streams. This is where we accosted Just
Beth and her dog Bogey. Beth seemed intrigued by the whole notion
of dog friendly running/beer drinking so she joined us after a
minimum of arm twisting. In small groups and pairs we followed
trail up to Puffers Pond. Puffers Pond was totally iced over and
covered in snow and looked quite picturesque and serene, except
for people shouting, "RU?" and stuff. Anyway, that's
where the beercheck was and consume tasty brews is what we did.
Unfortunately? The hare didn't expect the large turnout and there
where precious too few beers for the pack. But like I mentioned
the choices were very good and they were for the most part 16
ouncers.
Trail meandered back to the harp for the closing festivities and
the On In.
At the closing circle we learned some neat things about our virgins!
Just Maxine is originally from Wisconsin, and she's a Packers
fan ( and yes, she got to watch the Vikings pick apart her team
during the On In.) She mentioned that, " In Wisconsin we
milk our
cows - we don't put them in charge of the road departments."
Possible future names might include: Got Milk? , Milch Cow, etc.
The possibilities just blow my mind. We also learned that her
daughter is a Carolina Hash Trash. Her daughter made her cum.
Just Mike has a cow as a favorite barnyard animal and wasn't sure
if he liked longhorns versus no horns. He also made himself cum.
Just Lisa Her favorite barnyard animal is a sheep. (We can fix
her up on that one.) Lisa also mentioned that if she were a superhero
her name would be: "the Urinator", we all responded
that that just "Depends." Oh, and I made Lisa cum.
Accusations for the Hare were: Not enough snow on trail, not enough
new people :-)
Too much hash, not enough hash - But the one that kept him in
posession of the hash Shit was, not enough beer at the beercheck.
He quickly backpedaled and let fly an accusation that I had shortcutted
but that accusation died in filibuster as the senate convened
a hearty round of yeas for him to keep the hashshit.
So, then we sang some hash tunes and managed to screw up just
about everyone of them. We must be outta practice because its
winter. So we ambled inside, drank pitchers of Guiness and watched
football, co-mingled, and tried hard not to mess up the meeting
of the Amherst Democrats and Senator Rosenberg in the back room.
Stuff Left at the On In:
A blue with white stripe Addidas running jacket
A pair of blue gloves that say Pearlizumi on them
A black and gray wool scarf
Next Hash:
HVH3 112th
1400HRs - Sunday, February 13th, 2005.
Hare: Anti-Cock
Theme: Valentines Day
Faithfully Submitted,
Anti-Cock
HVH3 Scribe
PS
We discussed going on an abbreviated schedule of hashs for the
winter months and it seems to be working with some great turnouts
lately. I don't know when we want to switch back over to the every
two weeks schedule but Hand Job would like to do the next hash
after the 112th ( so that would be the 113th ) It would be nice
if some of the newer Happy Valley hashers try their hand at haring.,
you can always get a veteran to co-hare your first time.
Happy Trails!
AC
pps
Robbie Burns Hash in Boston in a couple of weeks. The Burlington
Penguin Plunge is in February and somebody mentioned the Halve
Minds are up to something wacky soon too? Something like outhouse
races on Lake George?
Anti-Cock
HVH3 Scribble
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