Happy Valley No. 108
13 NOV 04
1400HRs or so...
Hare: Comes On Vacation
Location: Hampshire Health Club off Gatehouse Lane, Amherst, Massachusetts.
Hounds: Anti-Cock,Yeasty Boy,Cainus Lickus, and new transplant
to the Happy Valley - Spread 'Em from the Pittsboig H3, also a
Real Live Virgin! Josh. ( Keep in mind for future reference that
his last name is the same name as a famous "Flute Player"
or clarinet or something...)
Visitors: Okay now I'm gonna miss a couple because I didn't have
a notebook with me, so as an addendum maybe somebody from the
BH3 could give me a better list of all the BH3 people who were
there, but here goes:
Boston H3: Paris Sucks!, Muffalotta, Cock Climber, Cums Alone,
Yeast Infection, High Anus, Friar F#ck, Puff 'N Stuff, The Jizz
Moppa, Hair Club for Queers, and three more, two of whom I can
picture but can't remember their hash names. Old age, beer, Evan
Williams and hanging out with The Crack House Harriers on trail
will do that to your brain cells if ya don't watch out...
Madison, Wisconsin H3: Mouse Beater
So about two days before the hash, I got a phone call from Hair
Club explaining that Boston's 2nd Annual "Trust Us"
Hash was really gonna cum to our hash as a surprize. Could I delay
the start long enough for them to meet us at about 1430Hrs? I
thought that highly possible as our standard hash time is always
about that anyway. I called the Hare's house and got Cainus Lickus
on the line and explained that I was gonna be bringing quite a
few virgins from my place of employment and to make sure their
would be enough brewskis at the BC. ( I really was expecting at
least two more virgins but they were no shows )
The HVH3 had gotten a message or two from Spread 'Em, a transplant
from our friends in the Pittsburgh H3, and so I picked her up
from the UMass campus. Luckily she enthusiastically accepted my
idea of a stop at Spirit Haus on the way to the hash, so we gained
a few extra stalling minutes by stopping and getting some Sam
Smith Tadcasters and a new hash mug.
We got to the SP at about 1410HRs and from there the devious delay
plan started to unhatch. The hare, Comes On Vacation, was ready
for her cranium start and axed for the usual ten minutes. I explained
that my virgins were running late and would not be there for at
least 30 more minutes. ( Hare Club had called from Templeton on
Route 2 to say they had just reached a circle jerk and beer check
and would be there in about thirty minutes ) Well COV shot me
a look that would kill and explained that the start was 1400Hrs
and that we would be losing daylight, but I threw myself on that
pineapple and took the abuse. Sorry COV but their itinerary was
outta my control. Anyways, it gave us just that much more time
to pre-lube for the hash.
After the hare had been gone for about ten minutes and the rest
of the HVH3 pack was grumbling and shifting from one foot to the
other I explained to Cainus and Yeasty Boy, that in actuality
I had fourteen definites from where I work cumming and that they
would be there by 1445 HRs. Cainus got an incredulous look on
his face and said something like, "Did you say 14?"
After a few more minutes the Boston H3 caravan showed up and and
the surprize was complete! I think the BH3 people were as surprized
as were the HVH3 folks. Some BH3 people said they were apprehensive
as soon as they got as far as Athol and suspected that a HVH3
hash might be involved. But everybody jumped out, pre-lubed -
got a quick chalk talk, did a introductions circle, and the pack
was off.
Trail proceeded out of the parking lot and north along Gate House
Lane. Trail then peeled off into some woods and into some slippery
shiggy. We had received any where from 1-3 inches of snow throughout
the Happy Valley, and although it was a bright shiny day, the
snow still covered the ground. It was also kinda cold enough for
hats, gloves and jackets. Trail meandered along parts of the Robert
Frost Trail, so there was a trail to follow, but the trail often
crosses little streams with two or one board bridges. Each bridge
was covered in ice and snow, so they were very slippery. You could
skip a bridge, but that usually put you in ankle deep semi-frozen
mud. Nice, very nice. At one small bridge that had an incline
to it, I saw Paris Sucks! do an imitation of a Looney Tunes character,
it was like from a cartoon where the character is running as fast
as she can up a slippery board. Luckily, she avoided a spill into
the shiggy.
I was basically sweeping trail but then was astonished to hear
a "Beer Here" call from nearby. The BC contained many
tasty brews, ranging from Molson, and Beamish and Ruddles to good
old PBR. A meeting of the Crack House Harriers was also convened,
Thank you CC!
The Hare was waiting at the BC and she was pleasantly surprised
to see the large pack. We sang some Hash standards and as a transplant,
Spread 'Em led us in a few. Puffy also led us in such hash classics
as, a, hum, where was I....I know he wanted to do the Friggin
in the Riggin one, but a , anyway.
So On On was called and away went the pack. This was a A to A
hash so trail led back to the Hampshire Health Club via a crossing
of East Main Street in Amherst.
The entire pack returned within a short while except for Paris
Sucks! Cainus and Yeasty Boy deployed in search mode but she showed
up before the search team returned. She apparently went door to
door throughout the neighborhood in search of some Chardonnay
or something? I didn't really catch it.
At the Circle the accusations and injustices flew wide and fast.
Although Cainus Lickus neglected to carry the HVH3 Hashsicle (
I'm having an HVH3 moment, what do you call that thing, the hash,
oh the "Hash Shit"), so he forgot to carry the Hash
shit, but since I was faithfully wearing the colors of the Boys
from da Bronx, somehow I got awarded the hash shit!!!!! A few
others were nailed for wearing hats in the circle [ It was friggin
Cold!!!] And then we initiated the Virgin Josh. He was baptized
for trying to pick his own hash name. He will not be known as
"Bordello" He was axed what his favorite sexual position
was and he not only replied, but showed us it was kneeling with
his hands down his pants. He wasn't very good at math, so we skipped
the square root question. If on a busload of homosexuals, would
he get off? He replied he rides that bus everyday. Josh did a
fine job draining his down down beer and will be now known as
"Just Josh" a virgin no more.
Next up was a naming for a Boston Hasher. I think he real name
was "Just John" but I could be way wrong on that. Asked
to tell us a little about himself, he mentioned that he works
with emotionally disturbed kids. Muffalotta said something about
mixing work with pleasure in hanging out with hashers which got
a roar of laughter from the pack. I asked him if was "Trained
in Restraints" and he replied he was. I nominated the name,
"Trained in Restraints"
High Anus mulled that one over for about 2/10s of a second and
shouted out, "How about Finger Cuffs", a reference to
a scene from Kevin Smith's "Chasing Amy" A few other
names were mentioned but it came down to a tie between those two
named ones. Hence from now on he'll be known as, "Finger
Cuffs" ( Not to jump ahead, but at the On In his name was
amended to. " Finger Licking Cuffs")
Technically, that means there are two Boston Hashers whose names
I can't remember from the visting pack. I can picture both. One
who has short dark hair, has a name I've heard before, because
it was familiar when he said it. The second said something about
being from the UK.
Okay, anyway. The On In was held at the Hanger on University Drive
in Amherst. the Hanger has lots of TVs with sports and some Killer
Wings selections. We ordered platters of wings, nachos and french
fries. We also somehow managed to get the two largest tables at
The Hanger and push them together which was a first, I think.
We actually almost had room for everybody to sit together. ( Normally
the hanger gets PACKED.) It did eventually get packed but that
was after we had been there awhile.
Originally the plan had been to stop by the Hanger and then go
to Packards in Northampton, but I left from The Hanger, so if
that happened can somebody do a addendum?
Faithfully Submissive,
Your HVH3 Scribble
Anti-Cock
Any Deviant Deviations are solely the FU of the scribe.
Next HVH3/Halve Mein Hash will be the day after Thanksgiving outside
Pittsfield.
Guest Hare will be Anal Lick It All from the Summit H3. Can somebody
scribe that one? I'll actually be doing the Summit H3 hash that
weekend. "Go Figure."
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