Happy Valley No. 105/DC AREA RED DRESS RUN
1 OCT 04
1400HRs or so...


Okay, Who ever said a scribe couldn't plagiarize the shit outta somebody
else's hash trash.

HVH3 Addendum:

COV, CL, DDM, Cock Climber, and I stayed at an old college friend's of
Dewey's house, which was exactly two blocks away from Anal Avengers. It was
ultra convienient to go to Anal's parties. Not only that but Lee's landlord
is a friendly old hippie who now works as a writer for a cookbook. When we
arrived friday night he had just finished a short rib dish with lots of
yummy fixings for us to try. It was delicious. Then we changed into our
skimpiest lingerie and we were off to Chinatown for the Lingerie hash. It
was a blast

After the hash we went to Anal Avengers where the drinking and debauchery
went into the wee hours of the a.m. I don't think I can adequately describe
Burlinton's Suck Faster Bitch's rendition of a Girl Scout Dominatrix. But
lots of people enjoyed being disciplined... There were other activities but
decorum prevents me from mentioning them here.

Saturday was the Red Dress Run, which was really nice. I had a Sikh family
on vacation ask if I would stand for a group picture with them in front of
the capital bldg. which I happily obliged. The grandmother of the group was
a little wary but she went along with it.

Saturady night we skipped out to a Poly Party Off Shoot Party in Maryland
and re-hooked up with Cock Climber, COV and CL on Sunday morning for the
ride home. We stopped off in Lambertville, N.J. for a taste and tour of the
River Horse Brewery.

Anti-Cock
HVH3 Scribble

----- Original Message -----
From: <TheJizzMoppa@1969.mailshell.com>
To: <bostonh3runs@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Monday, October 11, 2004 3:11 PM
Subject: DC Red Dress Weekend Write-up

>
> Boston Hashers: At Your Cervix, Buck Naked, Bumble Beaver, Cock Climber,
> Cum Prik Pow, Drippy Spigot, Eats Around the Hole, Friar F**K, Hare Club
> 4 Queers, Harpoontang, High Anus, Just Troy, Kick Me In The Nuts,
> Lickalotapus, Molested Development, Nipples Erectus, 1 Hasher @ A Time,
> Queen La Queefa, Shine On Harvard Moon, Snatchsquatch, Sugar Plum Fairy,
> theJizzMoppa.
>
> Burlington Hashers: Just Jason, One Drunk Walking, Sir Lancelot, Suck
> Faster Bitch, Urinal Biscit, Worked It Off.
>
> Happy Valley Hashers: Anti-Cock, Canis Lickus, Comes On Vacation, Dewey
> Do Me!
>
> Newport Hashers: Diddler On the Roof (Newport?), Little Debbie, Periodic
> Table Dancer (Newport?), Sackless Suction.
>
> Halve Mein Hashers (Albany): Bodsa, Dirtbag, McCavity, Nice Snatch,
> Peace O' Chum, Pop Top, Sexy F'ing Francis, The Hasher Formerly Known as
> Don.
>
> Host: Anal Avenger.
>
> I decided to get a cranium start on the weekend, and flew down to DC
> Thursday afternoon to do the "Everyday's Wednesday" 269th Hash.
> Fortunately our host and social coordinator Anal Avenger took the day
> off from work, and was able to greet me with an unlocked door and an
> opened beer. 1st beer of the weekend: Thursday at 3pm. I helped him
> get things set up for the impending mob (my contribution consisted of
> throwing a ball against the wall, and defiling the main bathroom) and
> then we were off for the Every Day's Wednesday Hash. We found High Anus
> at the start, but Friar F**k missed the metro stop and was too late to
> run. High Anus and I must have be channeling the spirit of Mom's
> Cumming, because we ended up zenning trail into Georgetown (the trail
> was NOT in Georgetown) and while trying to get back to the pack, we
> snared the hares. Lesson learned: other hashes apparently consider
> bragging about snaring a hare to be overachieving and will make you pay
> for it.
>
> We made it to the on-in at a grassy knoll near I-95, and the circle
> commenced. Every Day's Wednesday gives visitors three choices; you can
> sing a song, tell a joke, or show a body part. I sang "There was a
> little bird", and High Anus tried to sing the days of the week song
> ("Today is Monday ...) but was quickly shouted down, as that is
> (obviously) the official song of the Every Day's Wednesday Hash. Lesson
> learned: no matter what they might say, they ALWAYS want you to show a
> body part. With me and High Anus, they don't know how lucky they were
> that we didn't.
>
> The circle progressed almost to the point of hash religion, when we had
> the first official police intervention of DC Red Dress Weekend. For
> those of you who weren't there, this happened to be the weekend of the
> World Bank meetings which meant the protesters were out en mass, which
> also meant the cops were out en mass. Tough weekend to do an interhash
> weekend. Bad luck. Anyhoo, the cops busted the on-in, and we were sent
> on our way to the on-after. $2 drafts. Any beer. I don't remember
> much. I do remember that at one point I was talking to a person,
> possibly of the female persuasion, who had apparently fallen out of the
> ugly tree and hit just about every branch on the way down. Anal Avenger
> ran over, grabbed me by the arm, and began dragging me away. A very
> good friend, I surmised. It turns out that his action had nothing to do
> with the beer periscopes I was sporting, but rather he and I had both
> won $25 gift certificates to a local running store. Lesson learned: AA
> is such an accomplished hasher that he can simultaneously rescue you
> from beer goggling and win you $25.
>
> Despite my better judgment, I dragged my @$$ out of the round bed on
> Friday morning, and again helped AA get ready for the weekend. This
> time, after defiling the guest bathroom, I actually contributed by
> helping him find and purchase a keg. Lesson learned: after one delivery
> man blows out his back, all liquor stores cancel the keg delivery
> policy. The rest of the hashers began to show up throughout the day,
> and those of us planning to do the lingerie run got into uniform.
>
> Luckily we ran into a local man who took one look at us in the metro and
> asked, "are you hashers?" He lead us to the Pre-Lube, and the drinking
> began. We made it about halfway through the trail when the Hares came
> back and ordered us to no longer follow trail. Ummm ... not that we had
> planned to, but why? Well, this was police intervention #2, and it was
> quite a night of intervention. The cops had accosted and threatened to
> incarcerate the hares, so they gave us the address of the Beer Check,
> and instructed us to run straight there. When we got there, the cops
> showed up with video cameras and started filming us. We took this as a
> hint to just cranium back to the start and begin drinking heavily. And
> so we did. After that I don't remember much, but I do remember ...
> Lesson Learned: If your name is Urinal Biscuit, it is a bad idea to pass
> out in the doorway of a bathroom.
>
> And then there was Saturday. The morning was spent dressing,
> accessorizing and preening in our lovely red outfits. Anal kept us up
> to date on exactly how long we had until departure time (yelling "10
> MINUTES!!!", every 5 minutes or so), and eventually it was time to go.
> We made our way to the start, where a break was taken to celebrate a
> momentous hash milestone. That's right, the day of DC Red Dress was
> also the 21st anniversary of the birth of our own Eats Around the Hole.
> Yes, she is now legal ... for drinking in bars. Having embarrassed Eats
> in front of an embarrassingly attired mob of drunks with a rousing
> chorus of "Happy Birthday F**k You", we set off on trail. Due to the
> threat of the authorities we were instructed to only cross streets in
> the crosswalks, never cross against the lights, and not to trespass on
> any private property. Hundreds of drunk hashers ... in red dresses ...
> trying to get to beer ... obeying all traffic laws ... as Dr. Evil would
> say, "Rrrrrrrrrrrrright."
>
> Well, it may be October, but it was hot. The trail was a reasonably
> good distance, and it was hot. We got to the beer check, and most began
> double fisting. The problem was, most of us had a beer in one hand and
> a cup of water in the other. And we were refilling the water far more
> often. Eventually the bar became so packed, and so ripe, if you know
> what I mean, that we started lounging outside to the delight of the
> locals. There was no official "Hares Away" announcement, so we all
> eventually sniffed out trail and wound our way back to the start. I
> missed the actually circle, but there was food, plenty of free beer, and
> great music to keep us entertained until the heavens opened up and rain
> poured down upon us as if God himself had opened the taps of the great
> water keg in the sky. And then we went home.
>
> Back at the Dungeon of Vengeance (AA's apt) we settled in for drinking
> and debauchery, with the capable @$$-istance of DC's own Golden Showers,
> who is a veritable repository of good come-backs and great movie quotes.
> He even won the first round of AA's Dating Game, being selected by
> Lickalottapus over such tantalizing options as Snatchsquatch and your
> own JMo. Even more impressive, he managed to win while answering all
> questions with verbatim movie quotes. Lickalottapus then went to the
> other side of the curtain to win her round of the Dating Game, being
> selected by Hare Club over ... ummmm ... well, by then I was drinking
> Rum and Diet Coke, so I don't remember who the other bachelorettes were,
> but I'm sure they were wonderful.
>
> On-on to Sunday morn. Despite his encouragement, Anal Avenger didn't
> get the wake-up call he requested on Sunday morning, but eventually
> everyone got out of bed. AA pulled us together for a hangover hash
> dubbed the "finish off all the cheap booze in the house" Hash. He
> requested and got a 1 minute cranium start, and was quickly spotted by
> the FSBs (Front Stumbling Bastards) on trail. Friar F**k made a snare
> attempt, only to be turned back by a violent barrage of flour. If you
> ever wondered what a powdered Friar donut would look like ... well,
> please, for the love of Johnny Damon, don't ever contemplate what a
> powdered Friar donut would look like. While the hare was defending
> himself from the frontal Friar attack, Suck Faster Bitch initiated a
> flanking maneuver resemblant of the battle of Austerlitz, bringing down
> the pants of the unsuspecting hare. Having been snared, AA took off
> pantless, as the FSBs allowed him 5 minutes to get away ... and
> hopefully dress himself.
>
> We all made it to the on-in to begin our quest to finish off all hash
> weekend beverage supplies at the Anal abode. We began with the keg, and
> we began with the circle. Suck Faster Bitch stepped in as RA, and
> started handing out down-downs like a Democrat doling out welfare after
> a tax hike. She eventually had to leave, and your own JMo was
> conscripted to RA for the rest of keg. Realizing that I wasn't up to
> the task, AA instigated a few impromptu keg-killing games, but it was an
> old-fashioned accusation that finally finished of Mr. Keg. AA then
> produced three bottles of cheap champagne, and we were back to the
> down-downs. AA also was a victim of many of these down-downs, which
> resulted in two discoveries. First, champagne down-downs are the
> Kryptonite of the mighty hero Anal Avenger, and secondly the Anal
> Fortress has a random pipe sticking up in the back yard that seems
> appropriate for down-down initiated nausea.
>
> After the champagne went dry, we pulled out the last 6 cans of Lite, and
> finished off the down-downs. I would script a litany of the accusations
> but once again my memory fails me, and let's face it, this write-up is
> long enough already. So let me skip to the exciting finish:
>
> We finished all the beer and champagne, the Pats won, and we all made it
> home safely. And to conclude on a high note, I offer you the top 10
> lessons learned from DC Red Dress Weekend:
>
> 10. When seeking privacy, remember to both lock AND close the door.
> 9. If written in indelible scripto, it will take 5 minutes of scrubbing
> to remove "Yankees Rule" from a hung-over Red Sox fan's forehead.
> 8. In the Anal Avenger Universe, 10 minutes is exactly 15 minutes ...
> plus about 5.
> 7. When purchasing a house, ensure that there is a proper "puke pipe"
> installed in the back yard before engaging in champagne down-downs.
> 6. Never get involved in an underwear contest, when *SugarPlum* is on
> the line.
> 5. Never let Anal Avenger hare a hangover hash after having hared a
> hangover hash.
> 4. The volume of body-paint (like a gas ... or glitter) will expand to
> cover all surfaces of the house that contains it.
> 3. It takes exactly 169 accusations to kill a keg and then consume 3
> bottles of champagne and a 6 pack of Miller Lite.
> 2. One hash's Drunk is another hash's Casanova.
>
> ... and the #1 lesson learned at DC Red Dress Weekend:
>
> When even hashers are looking at you funny, you know you've done
> something right.

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